Why Don't I Believe in Christmas
by Goldsaddletank
Summary: Thomas's beloved Father, William Barlette, wants to surprise his son on his branchline... little realizing the consequences. (RATED T FOR CHARACTER DEATH. Note: William Barlette belongs to my sis, Raphianna.


A/N: William Barlette belongs to my online sis, Raphianna. Thomas and the other engines belong to their respective owners. I only own the reference to one of my previous stories at the end. Enjoy.

…..

Thomas and his faithful coaches, Annie and Clarabel, were just taking a short break one winter afternoon before getting ready for their next passenger train; when the stationmaster came running up towards the little tank engine and his crew.

"Thomas, there's been an accident! Due to the icy rails, Rosie derailed not too far from Knapford Junction," said the stationmaster. "I need you and your crew to go and assist her crew until help arrives. Edward will be coming with Judy and Jerome."

Thomas was alarmed to hear of his sister's accident, "Is she okay?" He asked the stationmaster worriedly. But the stationmaster didn't answer him; so, Thomas just hurried down the line to see how he and his crew could help.

…

Sure enough, when Thomas arrived at the scene, he could see Rosie was lying on the side of the tracks by Knapford Junction, her shiny paintwork scratched and covered in snow; but what concerned and puzzled the little blue engine that a singular coach was also derailed; smashed to pieces on the side of the rails.

"Rosie!" He called out in alarm, whistling to his sister. "Are you alright?"

"I'll be fine," Wheezed Rosie, smiling painfully but sincerely when she saw that Thomas had come for her. "But William…. William!" She cried out, on realizing she hadn't seen or heard him yet. The accident had been a very brutal one; the chances of him being injured and knocked unconscious, or worse, were scarily high.

"Ro, are…"

"Thomas, it's your father, he was in my coach!" Cried Rosie, tears springing to her eyes. Underneath, her face had gone as white as the snow around the two little engines.

"You… brought my father here?" Asked Thomas, feeling a mixture of surprise and dread sink in as he examined the wreckage.

"Yes!" Cried Rosie. "he wanted to surprise you… so he asked me to bring him to you," his sister replied tearfully, looking up at her adoptive brother. "Now he won't answer me or my crew… William!" She yelled behind her in desperation.

"Father!" Thomas cried out, whistling frantically for his father and creator, William Barlette, to come out and reassure the two engines he was safe and well.

But he never came. Nor did he respond to Thomas's desperate cries. Behind the little blue tank engine, Annie and Clarabel fretted anxiously, uncertain of what to say to comfort their best friend.

….

Rosie's fireman phoned for Harold the Helicopter to come to the scene; whilst her driver, along with Thomas's fireman, searched the wreckage of the coach to find William, to determine whether he was still alive and how much first aid they could perform until help arrived. Thomas's driver stayed with the two tank engines to try and reassure them as best as he could until William was found and rescued.

….

It was Thomas's fireman who found William Barlette first- and he wished he hadn't.

Poor William was unconscious, covered in blood, cuts and splinters of wood from the crash. The fireman winced. He and Rosie's fireman had a lot of work on their as he maneuvered over the wreckage to reach William and find a pulse, he gagged and nearly threw up when William's head rolled a little too far round his neck. Worse still, no pulse could be found anywhere.

"I've found him!" He called to Rosie's driver.

….

Rosie's driver went to assist the fireman as best as he could; whilst Thomas's driver tried to reassure the two tank engines.

"Will my father be okay, driver?" Asked Thomas worriedly.

"I'm sure he will be," replied the driver, patting Thomas's buffer.

"This is all my fault," Murmured Rosie. "I wish I had been able to stop that accident from happening…"

"There was nothing you could have done," said Thomas's fireman comfortingly. "It was all just that; an accident. It is an icy day, and you couldn't help it."

Sadly, however, Thomas's fireman returned with the bad news.

"Thomas, there is no easy way to say it…" he said, slowly, gazing at his engine sympathetically. "But I'm afraid your father's gone."

Thomas paled at the news, unable to let the words sink in. "But… but surely he can't have!" he burst out. "He just needs to get to a hospital and treated and then he'll be right as rain… right, Driver?" He asked his other crew member for support. The driver just looked uncertain but not unsympathetic.

"Thomas, I'm sorry, but I'm afraid the hospital can do nothing now," said the fireman gently. "He's broken his neck- there's no cure for a broken neck."

"Please, fireman, help hasn't even arrived yet!" Thomas argued in protest, his driver's words not sinking in. "They know more, they can do more! They can save my father! And I know they will!"

His fireman shook his head sadly.

"I'm sorry Thomas," whimpered Rosie.

"He's not dead! He just needs help!" Thomas burst out, still in denial that his beloved father and creator was really gone.

…

When Edward arrived with Judy and Jerome the Breakdown Crane, he was horrified to find Thomas and Rosie in such an emotionally wrought sate; as well the scene of the actual accident in front of him.

"Don't worry, Rosie love!" Called Judy cheerfully, "we'll soon have you back on the rails in no time!"

"Judy's right!" Added Jerome. "Sit tight, Rosie!" He caught sight of the now mangled and wrecked coach on the line, and he winced. "There's not much hope for your coach, I'm afraid. It'll have to be scrapped."

Thomas's frantic eyes locked with Edward's calming ones. "Edward!" the tank engine cried out.

"What's wrong, brother?" Edward asked calmly, watching as Thomas chuffed up alongside.

"Edward, Rosie was taking my father up to my branchline to see me, but she was derailed and she… well, my driver… he…"

"Thomas, slow down and take a deep breath," Said Edward calmly, feeling concern mounting in his smokebox for his baby brother. "Please would you do that for me?"

Thomas did so.

"Now, what's happened?" Asked Edward, gently.

"My fireman said my father is dead." Thomas whispered, looking like he was going to cry. "I don't get it… surely he isn't dead, is he?"

Edward glanced at Thomas's fireman who sadly nodded in the old engine's direction, and Edward understood. He looked back into Thomas's pleading eyes and took a deep breath. Boy, was he going to hate this…

"Thomas, I'm sorry," he said as quietly and kindly as he could manage. "There's nothing anyone can do. William is dead."

Although his brother spoke this last word as gently as possible, it still felt as though Thomas had suddenly been stabbed in the smokebox; the stab of reality.

His father was gone.

And he was never coming back.

Thomas let out a scream so loud and so anguished it could have brought the sky to its knees in pity and sorrow for the little engine, now left without his father.

…..

The Fat Controller arrived at the scene of the accident onboard Gordon. Rosie's driver explained what happened; including the accident, and William Barlette's death. The Fat Controller paled on hearing the news.

"I… I am so sorry to hear that, all of you," he said quietly to the Hill siblings. "But especially to you, Thomas."

"He… he can't be gone…" Thomas tried to protest, feeling tears well up in his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Thomas," said Gordon, quietly; echoing the Fat Controller's words; only, the normally proud and loud Express engine looked unusually melancholy at the news.

But Thomas was no longer listening. He felt tears rolling down his cheeks.

….

William's funeral was held a few days later. Thomas, Gordon, Rosie and Edward were all in attendance. The Fat Controller he allowed James to attend the funeral to support Thomas and the others, but said the others had to continue their work, because he couldn't spare too many engines. Percy and the others understood; so, they expressed their condolences beforehand, and said that they'd be there for Thomas and his siblings, if they ever needed to talk or have a good cry… or even if they just needed a little help to move forward in their bereavement.

Thomas was grateful that James had been made the exception by the Fat Controller. Hearing about his boyfriend's loss made James more determined to remain by Thomas's side, no matter how long it took for him and his siblings to heal.

"I'm sorry about your loss, Thomas," James said sadly.

"… thank you," whispered Thomas, quietly, his eyes filling up with tears. "Oh, James…. I can't believe he's gone." He said, before breaking down into anguished sobs.

"Thomas…" Sighed Gordon, sympathetically.

…

The Thin Clergyman solemnly finished his sermon, and William's coffin was lain into the ground. The engines all started crying as they watched the wooden coffin sinking; particularly Rosie, who still blamed herself for his death.

All except Thomas. He wanted to cry for his lost father. But he couldn't. He couldn't find any energy in himself to cry right now; he was far too full of grief and sadness.

As he sat and watched his father's coffin enter the earth, the little tank engine suddenly thought of a song. He began to sing this song, quietly but beautifully.

"_Why don't I believe, In happiness and dreams? _

_And where do I belong, where did it go wrong, _

_Who will come and rescue me?" _

Who was going to rescue him?

He didn't have a means to escape this nightmare of grief and loss. He wanted, more than anything in the world, to find that William was still alive; somewhere, anywhere. Oh, he'd travel the world again 80 times over, if only to find his father alive and well in another continent!

Sadly, he knew it wasn't going to be. His father was gone. He knew he could never smell lavender again… at least, not without tearing up with thoughts of his lost father.

…..

Just as spring flourished on Sodor; several months after the death of poor William Barlette, Thomas himself was killed when a 4-4-0 locomotive from the Caledonian Railway pulling some coal to Sodor crashed into him, whilst he was transporting diesel fuel to the Mainland.


End file.
